


The Morning Coffee

by ObtuseDunderfuck



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, SBaHJ - Freeform, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 06:59:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11374986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObtuseDunderfuck/pseuds/ObtuseDunderfuck
Summary: Dirk tries to guess at the true meaning of sbahj. Dave tries to take him seriously, but for once he can't keep a straight face.





	The Morning Coffee

They had been burning through sbahj movies for a few days after settling into the rhythm of a “normal” life after the game. The excitement at seeing new content for his favorite media of all time was enough to lift Dirk’s spirits, if only a little. 

Talking with Dave about them was a whole other level of rad.

Dirk had spent years watching and rewatching, reading and rereading sbahj media. He told himself it was because the series was a work of genius, a kind of high art only true masters of irony could understand. But if he’d ever been honest with himself, he would have realized that the primary reason he was so fixated on what is possibly humanity’s most horrific and shameful relic was because it made him feel closer to the only relative in the whole world he had; the creator of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff himself, Dave Strider - and Dirk’s Bro. Of course he’d never met him, given that the legendary figure had died centuries before Dirk was born. But here he was, talking to the teen alternate version of his Bro, who is both funny and relatable. So far, Dirk was enjoying having a family, and enjoying spending time with the object of his idolization. “Alright man. I have some theories about the true meaning of SBaHJ.” He began, his voice usually devoid of emotion now containing an undertone of excitement that only someone close to him would pick up on.  
  
Dave picked up on it. He rested his head on his hand, leaning against the table. “Oh? Alright man, let’s hear it.” He said, a smirk making it’s way across his face. He was amused. But Dirk plowed on.

——

Karkat stepped into the kitchen while Dirk was rambling at Dave on a long exposition about his interpretation of sbahj. God, it seemed to be a genetic thing. At least they had each other to ramble at now. Finally, a willing outlet for Dave’s verbal diarrhea, and vice versa apparently. 

Dave’s head snapped up as soon as he entered. “Sup Karkat. There's coffee in the filter for you." He told him with a hint of affection. Karkat had to admit the gesture was sweet. But not out loud. "Thanks. Don't stop your predictably inane conversation on my account. Carry on! Also, hi Dirk." He gestured for them to continue, despite having no idea what they were talking about. He hadn't actually heard that much - he was just bluffing. "Hey." Dirk replied before diving back into the conversation. He and Dirk got along well, but Dirk was shit at multitasking and totally consumed by the current conversation.

Karkat was getting himself a cup of coffee and listening to their conversation. As the pot boiled and trickled away, he turned to look at his human boyfriend. It might not seem like much to the untrained eye, but Karkat knew Dave. And Dave looked as if he was about to burst into laughter. “Dude. How about I just tell you? Do you really want to know the true meaning behind my art?” Before Dirk could eagerly nod, Karkat interrupted while pouring his cup of coffee.

“It’s complete and utter taint-chaffing bullshit.” Karkat’s voice, loud and biting, cut through the conversation. Both of the Striders went silent as their heads turned towards him, the exact position of their eyes unknown. “It’s so fucking obvious and frankly, Dirk, It’s downright amazing that you didn’t get it. Listening to you agonize over the nonexistent overarching theme of the most vile, meaningless garbage ever to exist - and that spans three entire universes, mind you - is giving me a painful ulcer in my digestion sack. But mostly, I’m just disappointed in you.” Karkat barely even needed to catch his breath before he brought the rim of the coffee mug to his lips.

Dirk’s mouth was hanging open. Not very wide, but it was quite apparent on his otherwise blank face. He recovered quickly, and looked as if he was about to argue when Dave suddenly burst out laughing.

“Oh man, oh man. Karkat, you beautiful bastard. That’s it.” He doubled over, clutching his stomach and nearly clanking his shades against the table. “He’s right, Dirk. It’s complete bullshit. Oh my god, Karkat. I love you man, you’re the one. It is you.” Karkat rolled his eyes and Dirk finally gathered himself. “That can’t be right. There’s significant evidence that-“ 

“Plug your squawk hole, Strider.” Karkat snapped, moving to the other side of the kitchen to pull a bag of doritos out of the cupboard. Dave and his stupid habits were rubbing off on him. “I said it’s obvious. Dave and his idiotic quest for irony lead to the complete disaster he refers to as high art that you’re so fixated on. It’s supposed to be ironic in that it’s so mind-bogglingly stupid that no one can POSSIBLY believe it’s literally just an entire amalgamation of rotting hoofbeastshit. That’s it, that’s the joke. Dave made something stupid entirely to trick people into thinking it had some underlying greater meaning when it really doesn’t. He thinks he’s hot shit for ‘layering’ the irony like that.” Karkat made a rare pause for breath.

“Come on Karkat, we all know you KNOW I’m hot.” Dave interrupted with a smug grin. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve mastered the irony levels. All of them.” Karkat gave him a withering look. 

“No, fuck the irony levels. I won’t be associated with that breathtaking expanse of garbage." He raised his hand as if he were going to smack Dave upside the head, but his expression had softened and instead he ran his fingers fondly through Dave’s hair as he walked past to sink into the chair between the two Striders. “I just know you. That’s the sort of thing you would do."

Dirk was silent, stunned. He may never recover. His world had come crashing down around him. It was tragic, really. Beautiful and tragic.


End file.
